Three Paragraphs

Since coming face-to-face with the monumental task of clearing out Mama and Daddy's house, I've been on a bit of a crusade around here.  I'm trying to get rid of my clutter/things that I can't imagine either Briton or Hannah wanting once I'm gone.  This morning, I came across a box filled with photos, cards, etc. that were being saved for decoupage.  It was fun going through the box, winnowing out the ones that didn't strike me as it seemed they once did.  But now, I want to decoupage!  And Hannah said something last night about wanting to go to Michaels. . .  Must use all my self-control not to buy anything.  After all, this is still the year of my not having a job.

And I have discovered some ugly, ugly truths about someone close to me.  I'm at a loss as to what to do, but know I shouldn't do anything until I've calmed down.  What this person doesn't seem to realize is that, yes, lying = not telling the truth, but, also choosing not to tell the whole story = not telling the truth.  And while my temperament might appear easy-going a lot of the time, one thing that I cannot, will not, abide is being lied to.   I'm not stupid, you know --- I can put things together pretty quickly, and I know when they don't add up.

My knitting is coming along apace.  I've got about half of one sleeve to go on a sweater for myself, and, now that the Christmas deadline is gone, I've started --- again --- on a sweater for Briton.  Ongoing are wash/dish/cloths out of leftover cotton and a rippled blanket from leftover worsted.  Too, though I'd avoided spinning until now (I didn't need another hobby, with more boxes of supplies laying about), Roxanne has sent me a drop spindle and a shopping bag of roving, so I'm going to have to figure the process out.  I want to enjoy it, but not too much, you know?

Random Thoughts

Going to leave this tab open all day, and just record some of what crosses my mind.  Would that be okay with everybody?

Why, thank you.

It is my Favorite Day of The Year.  Christmas Eve is all about baking cookies (at least in our house) and excitement and being finished with all the rushing about and that marvelous anticipatory quiet and stillness that descend after the sun goes down.  Christmas Day can sometimes disappoint.  Christmas Eve never does.

Proof of the use of an Amazon gift card*:

 (Below "Bringing Up Baby is Saramago's memoir.  When I finish with his novel, All the Names, either that, or the letters to the President book, will be my next read.)

One of our Christmas Eve rituals is cookie-baking.  I'm also baking a breakfast casserole and a coffee cake for tomorrow, so there'll be more kitchen activity than usual.  We also always visit a live Nativity scene one of the local churches has, then come back to open one gift each, then watch "The Muppet Christmas Carol."  

Mama, Daddy and I didn't really have any Christmas traditions, unless you call me having to pull these off Daddy's feet after a tough Christmas Eve at the store one:

 Each year, when we go to the Nativity scene, I wear these in honor:

Inside the boots will be a pair of handknit socks --- made from Deborah Norville's "Serenity" sock yarn.  Now, I'm no Deborah Norville fan, but Jo-Ann had the yarn on sale for a ridiculously low price, so I got some.  I bought 2 skeins each of 3 different colorways, and it turns out that I got a full pair out of just 1 skein.  How often does that happen?  This is the color I'm wearing:

It's beautiful worked up, and is nice and soft.  Maybe an early holiday miracle?

Have a Magnificent Christmas.  You've been a great support in a year that I needed constant boosting.  Thank you.



*This mostly for the benefit of Twinnie.

If You Were Me Today

1.  You would have awakened after dreaming about your First Grade Boyfriend.

2.  You would have a Cat Stevens song stuck in your head.

3.  You would not be, nor would you have ever been, a Cat Stevens fan.

4.  You would be puzzled by the shape of the garment you are knitting, even though you are following the pattern to the letter.

5.  (You would think the garment is either upside down or backward --- either one not good.)

6.  You would have e-mailed your therapist 3 times over a raging argument with your daughter.

7.  You would have received an Amazon gift card from your amazing twin sister.
8.  You would have already spent the card.
9.  You would have been sent this awesome link by an awesome friend.

Either I'm handling Mama's death very well, or I am in complete denial, and the ton of bricks has yet to fall.

I sort of have to keep reminding myself that she's gone, you know?  I look at the first sentence of that last entry, and it's like that isn't happening to me.  I've cried, it isn't that.  But there's a composure that seems out of place.  I'm parentless now.  It's just me.

If I begin to think too far ahead, my head spins.  One little chore, one little step at a time, I keep telling myself.  Nothing can be done at all until I receive the death certificates, so staying still seems to be all I can do right now.

People keep telling me to get a lawyer, or an accountant.  I don't know anyone up there.  It makes my head hurt trying to pull it all together.  Since I'm the only child, shouldn't it be fairly straightforward and easy?  Haven't people with less intelligence than me managed estates successfully before?

I am giving myself the early Christmas present of calling off any more gift knitting.  What's done for the etsy shop is done, unless I'm truly in the mood to make something for there.  The sweater I was trying to get done for Briton was going painfully (in the literal sense;  tough yarn), so it got ripped out this afternoon.  And I could feel the load lighten.  Yes, I'm upset that I won't have it to give him, but I'm more relieved that there are no more deadlines looming over me.

'Tis the Season

Made this this weekend, and still can't get over how cute it is.  The snowflakes and "pearls" are cut from miniature garland, and just tacked on.

Made lots of little things this weekend: several seed stitch buttoned bracelets that are my "Goosebumps" series, a couple of wide buttoned cuffs, pet things.  Just a few sales is all I ask.  If you had told me last year that Christmas this year would be even grimmer, I wouldn't/couldn't have believed you.  But it is.  A year without a job does that to a holiday.

And I Read, Too

Just the other day, I told a friend of mine that Jose Saramago is my favorite author.  This weekend, I finished his Seeing, the sort-of companion to Blindness (one of my favorite books of all.)  It was, as all his work is, remarkable.  And though Saramago is my favorite author, my favorite writer is:

Heck, maybe he's my favorite reader, too!

Once I got finished with Seeing, I sped through two more books.  Both were fairly short, but so compelling it was hard for me not to read them.  One was Thunder Dog, about a blind man and his guide dog surviving the 9/11 attacks.  (ANYthing about service dogs --- I'm there.)  The other book was Scattershot, about a family with bipolar disorder.  And "family" here is literal --- both parents, and two of the three children suffer with it.  After all my mental health issues this year, it was both a comfort and a fright to read their struggle.

Knitting does continue.  I restarted Briton's Christmas sweater with a different color yarn --- just wasn't satisfied with my first choice.  I've got just a couple of facecloths to knit for Hannah, and all my knitting for her (so far as I know) will be done.  I'm doing little things for the etsy shop --- tree ornaments, brooches, that sort of thing.  I hope, I hope, I hope I get some traffic this year, because if I thought last year's Christmas was tough. . .  Twelve more months of unemployment have broken the back of this one.

So, Yeah. I Went to Nashville.

And here are notes and pictures that were taken while there.

•  My inability to fall asleep at night has gone beyond nuisance.  It has moved into "crisis."
• Drivers in Middle Tennessee seem to forget that there are other people on the same roads as they are.
• I've finished 2 Christmas presents, and learned that my mother does not like the phrase "freakin' ________."  Got a classic Mom Look when I uttered it.
• My hot flashes are still on Eastern Time.  And on schedule.
• There really isn't anything quite like a fresh, hot Krystal.

•  The people across the street from my mother have two dogs.  One is a big Rottweiler mix, the other a little Chihuahua-y thing.  Guess who's the chatterer of the two. . .

• I am knitting a striped scarf out of Noro.  My mother's den is so dark, I have no idea what colors I'm working through.
• Fox News is bad enough, but my mother also watches "Dancing With the Stars."  I've seldom missed our blank, turned off TV screen more.
• Both children call me on the same night.  One call lasted a shade over an hour.  The second, 2 1/2 +.

• Chick-fil-A for breakfast.
• For the first time, on this trip, I am seeing my mother as an old, old woman.  Sad.
• Suddenly very weepy.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere.  Don't want to stay here (too sad), don't want to go back to Athens (too many responsibilities and issues).  Nowhere, except a nice hotel, is where I want to be.
• Guilt.

Priorities

Before I give you the Tennessee slide show, and the bullet points of my trip to Nashville, let me say these things:

My darling Roxanne is blogging again!  The girl is HISSterical.  Give her a read.

The just-as-darling Jo reminds us that now's the time to knit scarves for the 2012 Special Olympics. I did this last time, and felt so involved.  Everything you need to know is here.

Go check out Knitter Bunny's fantastic double knitting rabbit scarf. It's her own design, and she did a great job.

Me?  I got some Christmas knitting done while I was gone.  Other details of my trip tomorrow!

The Story of My Life

The whole world is knitting hexagons

 and I'm makin' triangles.

Fall Comes to Athens

A fairly representative sample of the lack of color around here.  Too many pine trees, not enough leafed.

Still knitting like a fiend.  This project was to be for the etsy shop, but I am so in love with the feel and color of the yarn, I'm going to have to keep it for myself.  (It will be a cowl.)

The color is "Sweet Potato" from KnitPicks, and, I swear, I can smell and practically taste sweet potatoes when I just look at it.  I was skimming around the KnitPicks site the other day, and was devastated to see that this color is being discontinued.  Would that there were enough money in my bank account to buy all that they have.
Finished my first Who's Feet scarf:

 Thirteen feet and three inches altogether.  It will be given to the first Whovian I ever knew, my best friend Lisa.  (Who probably doesn't read this, so no worries.)

For Myself

In all the manic knitting I'm doing for selling, I had to stop and make myself a pair of socks.  Remember I told you about the "Good 'n' Plenty yarn?

 This was my first use of elasticized sock yarn.  I like it.

I'm Just Sayin'

So Let's See

A week ago, I have my gall bladder taken out very suddenly. I'm bruised from stem to stern, with all the internal pain that goes along with that.

So I've been sleeping a bit awkwardly, first in the hospital with the IV, then at home to avoid the discomfort.

A few weeks ago, I took that horrid fall that resulted in what I'm convinced was a concussion.

For how many months, I've been stressed by my life. And I've found out I carry my tension on my left side.  Lots of stress, lots of pressure for my left side to be carrying.

The last two nights, I had such a pain in my left neck that I was on the verge of tears.  I could tell one of my vertebrae was out of line, that I needed my chiropractor, but I figured I could white-knuckle it.  Maybe it would get better.

Last night, I was in an agony I don't believe I've ever experienced before.  Pain and fear and pain.  I hung on until about 9 PM so I could take some Percocet (I'm running out), but had to gave in and called my chiropractor.  At home.  After not seeing him for a couple of years.

He saw me this morning and declared me "A wreck.  A physical mess."

But he popped my neck back into place.  And worked on my back, which caused me the first pain I've every felt during an adjustment. A good pain, I suppose, but still a hurt. Told me to take double doses of Aleve today and tomorrow, go back and see him Monday.  He proclaimed my neck problem "solved."

That eased my mind some.  And I've had to say it to myself several times since I've been home.  I am uncomfortable and nearly out of pain medication and by myself.  (Briton has been with his girlfriend this whole time.  Hannah's working the haunted house in Atlanta every weekend.)  Not embarrassed to say I've been scared to the point of having to melt Ativans under my tongue and get my feet up higher than my head so I won't faint.

Don't go back to the surgeon for another couple of weeks, but will definitely be calling the office and begging for an extension on pain meds come Monday.  Some calmer tonight, thanks to the chiropractor.  But sapped of the crazy knitting urge.  Which is bad on two levels: not getting things made for the etsy shop, and not giving me something to think about other than what's happening inside my body.

My Dear Twinnie

Just made these:

 Without a pattern.

I'm so proud.

The Scarfigan

Ingenious design, a favorite yarn, some buttons, and:

 

Still A Knitblog

This is a scarfigan. It  is waiting for me to sew its buttons on.

 These aren't knit, I know, but they are the tease for a new "line" I'm going to add to my etsy store.

This is the beginning of the Icon scarf. I've done three more repeats, and it's really pretty.  It's made on 17s with 4 strands of chunky weight held together.  So it's going quickly, but is prone to tangling.  The fact that Finn has an insistent need to chew on and run around with the yarn isn't helping.

Also working on a headband/wrap,  a top for myself and a wispy sort of cowl. 

You?