Christmas Wrap

Nice day here yesterday --- how was yours?

Among the presents I received:

Could those be ANY cuter????*  You should all know how I feel about Yoda by now.  And Maleficent is my favorite Disney villain.

Also got some lovely smiles and hi-jinks from these two:

Oh, yeah, and Thor.  What a guy.

 I must admit to having some very sad moments.  After we had opened all the gifts and sort of settled into the day, I realized that it was the time that I always called home to wish Mama and Daddy Merry Christmas.  And now I have no one to call.  And we have no "second Christmas" to go to. . .  For me, at least, things were very glum on and off all day.

But, I did do some Christmas Day knitting.  Not on either of these things, mind you.  These were finished some time ago:

 One of the other socks made of Norville Serenity yarn, and

a Noro shawl.

I certainly plan to do a great deal more knitting today.  Once I clear all the dirty dishes out of the sink, that is!  ;]

Enjoy the rest of your holidays!

*The answer, of course, would be "No."

If You Were Me Today

1.  You would have awakened after dreaming about your First Grade Boyfriend.

2.  You would have a Cat Stevens song stuck in your head.

3.  You would not be, nor would you have ever been, a Cat Stevens fan.

4.  You would be puzzled by the shape of the garment you are knitting, even though you are following the pattern to the letter.

5.  (You would think the garment is either upside down or backward --- either one not good.)

6.  You would have e-mailed your therapist 3 times over a raging argument with your daughter.

7.  You would have received an Amazon gift card from your amazing twin sister.
8.  You would have already spent the card.
9.  You would have been sent this awesome link by an awesome friend.

Time

I am in Middle Tennessee.  Have been since Sunday night, actually.  I had wi-fi installed in Mama and Daddy's house today, so that when we come here in the future, we don't have to live computerless.

It has been an agonizing week.  I brought Finn with me, and discovered on the trip up --- discovered twice, to be exact --- that he gets carsick.  And he's been very (understandably) whiney when I've had to leave to undertake all this paperwork, then very (understandably) clingy when I return.  I've tried to keep my outings to a minimum, but what you find when you try to wrap up a deceased parent's affairs is that one necessary form always leads to at least two others.  And appointments must be made.  And it is cold and raining and then snowing, and you are on such an edge that you are eating your anti-anxiety medication like candy.  And when you finish a day's traversing, you start downing melatonin and ibuprofen PM so you can just go to sleep and not have to feel the panic anymore.

I've had people offer to come by, to talk to me on the phone, but I simply haven't been able to face that.  I've been so frantic, so distressed that I knew having to talk with anyone would undoubtedly send me right over the edge.  So I've lain here with my feet elevated and my heart pounding, and poor little Finn skooching up as close to me as he can get, begging not to pass out.  Or crack up.

And I have to come back and do this time and time and who knows how many more times again before everything is really done.

I just can't look at any of that right now.  It's too, too, too much.

The Work of Grief

My mother died last Wednesday.  At least we think it was Wednesday.  I had been trying to call her that afternoon and getting no answer, so I got in touch with my cousin, who got in touch with the police, and they got into her house to find her lying on the floor between the kitchen and den.  One of the officers said it looked to him she'd been dead between 8 and 18 hours.

I packed quickly (and poorly, it turned out) and got up there that night.  Since we have only one working car right now, Briton and Hannah had to cobble a trip up;  they arrived Saturday night.  Visitation was Sunday night, burial was yesterday (in a dismal rain.)

Mama had asked for a graveside service only, and had chosen the person from her church to say a prayer.  I read from Proverbs 31 (A Virtuous Woman), and it was done.

I'm thinking now of all the paperwork I will have to do when I go back up next week.  And I am overwhelmed.  And, I imagine, only now feeling all the sadness and loss that adrenaline and arrangements-making covered over until now.