So, Yeah. I Went to Nashville.

And here are notes and pictures that were taken while there.

•  My inability to fall asleep at night has gone beyond nuisance.  It has moved into "crisis."
• Drivers in Middle Tennessee seem to forget that there are other people on the same roads as they are.
• I've finished 2 Christmas presents, and learned that my mother does not like the phrase "freakin' ________."  Got a classic Mom Look when I uttered it.
• My hot flashes are still on Eastern Time.  And on schedule.
• There really isn't anything quite like a fresh, hot Krystal.

•  The people across the street from my mother have two dogs.  One is a big Rottweiler mix, the other a little Chihuahua-y thing.  Guess who's the chatterer of the two. . .

• I am knitting a striped scarf out of Noro.  My mother's den is so dark, I have no idea what colors I'm working through.
• Fox News is bad enough, but my mother also watches "Dancing With the Stars."  I've seldom missed our blank, turned off TV screen more.
• Both children call me on the same night.  One call lasted a shade over an hour.  The second, 2 1/2 +.

• Chick-fil-A for breakfast.
• For the first time, on this trip, I am seeing my mother as an old, old woman.  Sad.
• Suddenly very weepy.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere.  Don't want to stay here (too sad), don't want to go back to Athens (too many responsibilities and issues).  Nowhere, except a nice hotel, is where I want to be.
• Guilt.

Esmerelda

Our darling, gimpy little cat, the light of Hannah's life, had to be euthanized last night.  It came completely out of nowhere;  the doctor thinks it was the FIP virus.  Finn alerted me to her;  it's unlikely we could have done anything even if we had gotten her to the clinic any earlier.

Calling Hannah to tell her what was going on was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  There's no soft, gentle way to break that kind of news.  And she lost all control.  She adored Esme.

A miserable, heartbreaking night.  We love you, Esme, and will miss you so very much.

Priorities

Before I give you the Tennessee slide show, and the bullet points of my trip to Nashville, let me say these things:

My darling Roxanne is blogging again!  The girl is HISSterical.  Give her a read.

The just-as-darling Jo reminds us that now's the time to knit scarves for the 2012 Special Olympics. I did this last time, and felt so involved.  Everything you need to know is here.

Go check out Knitter Bunny's fantastic double knitting rabbit scarf. It's her own design, and she did a great job.

Me?  I got some Christmas knitting done while I was gone.  Other details of my trip tomorrow!

News

My son, Briton, turned 23 today.  How can that be?

 

I'm heading to Nashville tomorrow.  No computer there.  So my silence isn't surliness --- it's an actual inability to communicate.  See you late next week.

 

 

The Story of My Life

The whole world is knitting hexagons

 and I'm makin' triangles.

Who Could Ask For More

(I am assuming, of course, that there is storage for knitting supplies in the other corner.)

Fall Comes to Athens

A fairly representative sample of the lack of color around here.  Too many pine trees, not enough leafed.

Still knitting like a fiend.  This project was to be for the etsy shop, but I am so in love with the feel and color of the yarn, I'm going to have to keep it for myself.  (It will be a cowl.)

The color is "Sweet Potato" from KnitPicks, and, I swear, I can smell and practically taste sweet potatoes when I just look at it.  I was skimming around the KnitPicks site the other day, and was devastated to see that this color is being discontinued.  Would that there were enough money in my bank account to buy all that they have.
Finished my first Who's Feet scarf:

 Thirteen feet and three inches altogether.  It will be given to the first Whovian I ever knew, my best friend Lisa.  (Who probably doesn't read this, so no worries.)

For Myself

In all the manic knitting I'm doing for selling, I had to stop and make myself a pair of socks.  Remember I told you about the "Good 'n' Plenty yarn?

 This was my first use of elasticized sock yarn.  I like it.

Just Cool Photos

This is my crazy cute daughter at one of her favorite places, an anime convention:

These two men are Strauss and Brahms:

This is a bit of philosophy I'm finding helpful these days:

This is one of my heroes, and the inspiration for this blog's title:

This is a glorious picture.  Even the bear is in awe:

This is the first model hand eye crafts has ever had:

This has pretty much been my year so far:

How you doin'?

Entitled

“Harpo played the right instrument. He was an angel.There was nobody like him, there never will be anybody like him. He was just simply wonderful. He never had a bad word for anybody… not like me.I at least occasionally say something. But Harpo… they don’t make that kind anymore.”
-Gummo Marx

Currently

I'm making myself a pair of socks out of yarn with these colors:

It's like I'm knitting in a movie theater lobby.

Question

How is it that I suddenly have a subscription to Knit Simple magazine?  Has someone out there anonymously gifted me?

Thank you.

Saturday Night

Daughter came home from school Thursday, but she and Son are both in Atlanta tonight.  He and his girlfriend are at a concert --- they gave Daughter a ride here . So I'm facing an empty nest in the literal and the figurative sense.

With all the things that have gone on with me this year, Empty Nest syndrome never made it on my radar.  I don't know why --- maybe because Daughter came home every other weekend last year.  This year, the weekends she has been here, fights have broken out between all possible combinations of the three of us.  In fact, the last time she was here, it got so bad that she asked to be taken back to Atlanta immediately.  Broke my heart.  And maybe I've been over-checking, trying to make sure that she and her brother are alright, that things are okay between them and me --- I'm completely at a loss as to how to handle either one of them right now.

Haven't seen my psychiatrist since I had to cancel my post-surgery appointment.  And I am out of my main anti-depressant.  Went to therapy on Thursday, but all I could do was sit and cry.  Nothing got accomplished.  Crying is my default mode lately.  My children don't like me to cry, so they sort of tune out when I start.  And today, when I called my mother, and began to choke up, she told me not to cry.  I can't help it.  I'm just incredibly teary lately.  But no one will allow me the room and the freedom to just let go.

Until this afternoon.  Almost as soon as they were out the door, the floodgates opened.  And I'm about to let go again right now.  What is wrong with me? 

Other than living with the majority of major life stressors on just about any list you can find.