Saturday Night

Daughter came home from school Thursday, but she and Son are both in Atlanta tonight.  He and his girlfriend are at a concert --- they gave Daughter a ride here . So I'm facing an empty nest in the literal and the figurative sense.

With all the things that have gone on with me this year, Empty Nest syndrome never made it on my radar.  I don't know why --- maybe because Daughter came home every other weekend last year.  This year, the weekends she has been here, fights have broken out between all possible combinations of the three of us.  In fact, the last time she was here, it got so bad that she asked to be taken back to Atlanta immediately.  Broke my heart.  And maybe I've been over-checking, trying to make sure that she and her brother are alright, that things are okay between them and me --- I'm completely at a loss as to how to handle either one of them right now.

Haven't seen my psychiatrist since I had to cancel my post-surgery appointment.  And I am out of my main anti-depressant.  Went to therapy on Thursday, but all I could do was sit and cry.  Nothing got accomplished.  Crying is my default mode lately.  My children don't like me to cry, so they sort of tune out when I start.  And today, when I called my mother, and began to choke up, she told me not to cry.  I can't help it.  I'm just incredibly teary lately.  But no one will allow me the room and the freedom to just let go.

Until this afternoon.  Almost as soon as they were out the door, the floodgates opened.  And I'm about to let go again right now.  What is wrong with me? 

Other than living with the majority of major life stressors on just about any list you can find.